I could die

No, I'm not being dramatic.  And even though all surgeries carry risk, I know the risk is quite small.  I probably have a higher risk of dying walking from my car to the shops.  But the words my surgeon said when discussing my surgery keeps ringing in my head...  "Catastrophic blood loss"...  Once again, I know the odds are low, but it was important enough that she said it twice.  I realise they will be working very close my to my heart, and accidentally nicking it is a possibility.  When she said it the second time I made a joke saying that I guess being in an OR is probably the best place for something like that to happen.  She laughed and said "yeah, we'll just open you up and sort it out".

But it's been milling around in my head for the past week.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not scared of death.  Not even my own death.  What scares me more than anything, is what is left behind when people die.  My cats are like my children, and I don't now if they will have the same life once I'm gone.  Thinking that they might end up in a shelter, or on a FB ad "looking for a good home", scares me more than the thought of death.

As I'm someone who finds comfort in action, I re-drafted my will today.  After my father passed about 2 years ago, I updated my will but never got around to signing it and returning it.  But today I updated it, printed it and signed it.  I just have to ask 2 witnesses to sign it then I can send it back.  It feels strangely comforting doing that one small thing.  Like it will somehow tip the scales in my favour.